Hope or Samwise Gamgee Takes Loyalty to the Next Level

 The book of Ruth isn’t a love story. That’s the first thing you need to know. The unnamed author immediately dropkicks the opportunity to utilize a Nicholas Sparks narrative by announcing that the events “happened in the days when the judges judged” (1:1). That’s right. We’re a long way from Seabrook. This story takes place during the same warped time period as the book of Judges when, like Sunnydale, the Promised Land has apparently succumb to the influence of a Hellmouth.

The book doesn’t waste time warming up the engine. The drama is already amped up to season finale levels in verse 1. Immediately we’re introduced to Elimelech, a guy who is desperate to spare his starving family from an extreme famine that has Israel following in the footsteps of Oliver Twist. But since rat burgers are strictly forbidden, Elimelech takes a page out of Tom Joad’s playbook and moves his family to Moab in search of a kosher deli. It seems like a logical plan that will carry the plot forward for a while, but Elimelech dies more unexpectedly than Billy Costigan two verses later (v. 3). The good news is his sons, Mahlon and Chilion, dutifully care for their mother Naomi in the wake of his death. The bad news is Moab was labeled an enemy of the state after hiring Balaam (remember the guy with the talking donkey?) to cast a voodoo curse on the Israelites back in the day. As a result, jungle fever is strictly prohibited (select Deuteronomy 23:4-7 and press enter on your remote). But this doesn’t deter Mahlon or Chilion. They follow in the footsteps of Flipper Purify and Angie Tucci, controversially hooking up with Moabite girls. But the questionable decision is short-lived when both sons suddenly join their father in the fertilizer business. It’s a rough start for a family already on the ropes. Consequently, Naomi and her daughters-in-law, Ruth and Orpah, find themselves in a more vulnerable position than the citizens of Vice City (v. 5).

But Naomi recognizes a Slip ’N Slide of Shakespearian tragedy when she feels the uncontrollable tug of gravity and decides to roll off before she reaches bottom. By now a decade has passed and the famine is over. Returning to Israel is in her best interest. But instead of waiting for a caravan to travel with, the three widows strike out on their own (v. 7). It won’t be an easy trip. The road they have to take is a Comic McCarthy dystopian nightmare. Somewhere near the city limits Naomi stops and gives her daughters-in-law an easy out. Her words are enough to convince Orpah to go back, but Ruth wasn’t playing around when she converted to Judaism. Like Charlotte York, she took her conversion and marriage vows seriously and she’s not going back now: “[W]here you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people are my people, and your God is my God; where you die, I will die” (vv. 16, 17). As Steve Rogers would say, “I’m with you till the end of the line.”

Naomi is in a bad place. The way she sees it God has turned against her, but with Ruth at her side prepared to trek through Mordor, she forges on. Together they make the journey to Bethlehem. The Hebrew text uses a masculine pronoun here to indicate the women may have utilized Viola Hastings’ method and traveled in guy disguise to reduce their chances of being attacked (v. 19). Whatever the case, the women arrive safely. Old neighbors greet Naomi’s return enthusiastically, but the perilous trip hasn’t improved her bad mood and she instructs everyone to call her Mara, aka Embittered (v. 20). But the impulsive new handle gets less traction than when Master Pain rebranded himself Betty. Despite Naomi’s request, the name Mara is never used again.

In chapter 2, Ruth takes on the responsibility of providing for them, but as an outsider without a résumé her options are limited. As such, she is reduced to collecting leftover grain behind the harvesters (an Israelite tradition established back in Leviticus 23:22). But since Bethlehem’s current reputation rivals Basin City it isn’t exactly the safest enterprise. Luckily for Ruth, she ends up at the farm of a guy named Boaz, who just so happens to be the nephew of Elimelech (v. 3). Boaz is an old bachelor who has somehow maintained a good reputation around town, but that doesn’t mean he’s not looking. He immediately notices Ruth, a foreign hottie who wears overalls better than Alex Owens. And her status as a Moabite doesn’t make him flinch. As George Costanza would say, “You’ve got Shiksappeal!” Boaz is so intrigued he insists she only collects on his property (v. 8). He even instructs his workers to “accidently” drop extra grain for her (v. 16). When Naomi hears about the overt flirtations of a close relative she gets excited: “he is one of our redeeming kinsmen” (v. 20). It’s a Hallmark Channel moment bursting with impending romance.

Ruth returns to the fields every day. As working girls go, she makes Tess McGill look lazy. But the harvest soon comes to an end and Boaz never makes his move. No one is more disappointed than Naomi. As a result, chapter 3 opens with her playing matchmaker with more directness than Emma Woodhouse. Naomi knows an alternate course of action must be taken if Ruth is gonna have a shot at settling down again and since Boaz hasn’t offered levirate marriage—buying the family estate, marrying Ruth and providing an offspring in the name of her son, Mahlon—she sets in motion a plan to force his hand. This leads to Naomi giving her daughter-in-law some questionable advice that sounds suspiciously like it’s been torn out of the pages of Bridget Jones’s diary when she advises Ruth to get dolled up and go slip into the sack with her boss: “note the place where he lies, and go over, uncover his feet, and lie down. He will tell you what you are to do” (vv. 3, 4). What Boaz will tell her to do, however, is anyone’s guess. It’s yet another calculated risk, but Ruth doesn’t hesitate. She puts on her best man-eater dress, sneaks out after dark and finds a good hiding spot to stakeout the farm.

Unaware he’s being stalked from a distance, Boaz finishes his work on the threshing floor, eats dinner and throws back a few brewskis. By the time he lies down to rest it’s late. Sticking to Naomi’s plan, Ruth waits for him to doze off, then approaches his campsite, uncovers his feet and cozies up next to him (v. 7). Eventually, Boaz wakes up to cover his icy toes and is more surprised than Cord McNally to discover a woman in his sleeping bag (v. 8). Ruth’s late-night presentation has booty call written all over it, but Boaz is a bigger gentleman than his grace Leopold Alexis Elijah Walker Thomas Gareth Mountbatten. Ruth gets right to the point: “Spread your robe over your handmaid, for you are a redeemer” (v. 9). If Boaz wasn’t fully awake before, he is now. The attractive young widow he’s been bird-dogging just crawled into his bed and proposed. It’s the perfect moment to crank Olivia Newton-John and get physical, but Boaz takes more precaution to avoid contact than Ned the pie maker and Charlotte Charles. “I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know you are a woman of excellence”* (v. 11). It’s no wonder he still has a good reputation. He’s satisfied to hold off and mark his calendar like Andy Stitzer. The outcome would’ve undoubtedly been quite different had Ruth climbed into bed with Black Dynamite.

The good news is Boaz has agreed to marry Ruth upon her request without any obligation to do so. But it’s not as easy as setting a wedding date, because there’s a closer blood relative than Boaz who gets first dibs at Naomi’s estate—and Ruth. Yep. The fine print in Leviticus 25 is totally killing the mood. Ruth has gone to a lot of trouble to get her man and the thought of getting stuck with a Humperdinck doesn’t sit well. Boaz senses her unease and promises to look into the matter before his first cup of coffee. They remain together the rest of the night, but make sure to part ways before dawn so that Miss Patty and Babette won’t start any rumors. Ruth goes home to Naomi and recaps the night’s events while Boaz heads straight into town to handle the pesky Levitical requirements.

In the opening verses of chapter 4, Boaz calls together an impromptu meeting with the Jedi High Council. As fate would have it, the relative he needs to talk to—Scripture bleeps out his name with more prejudice than Beatrix Kiddo—cruises into town at that very moment (v. 1). The scene plays out like an episode of Let’s Make a Deal. At first, it appears Boaz is simply informing [bleep] about the property Naomi is selling without any interest in it himself, “If you are willing to redeem, redeem!” (v. 4). Talk about playing it cool. But as soon as [bleep] agrees, Boaz reveals he’ll be getting a lot more than land in the deal. As Ron Popeil would say, “But wait, there’s more!” That’s when Boaz reveals he will have to buy the estate from Naomi and Ruth (v. 5). Like Jimmie Shannon, [bleep] only gets the inheritance if he’s married by 6:05 p.m. But the thought of hooking up with a Moabite has him backing away slowly. He can’t turn down the opportunity fast enough and publicly relinquishes his obligation to Boaz with a complex exchange that rivals the Lambda Lambda Lambda secret handshake. At one point, Boaz even removes a shoe (v. 8). As Shawn Spencer would say, “Hold it, fold it, skim it! Crouching tiger, zookeeper’s boy, hairdresser on fire, girlfriend in a coma, slap it on a biscuit.” Once everything is settled, council members shower Boaz with well wishes, primarily that Ruth churns out more kids than Brandine Spuckler (vv. 11, 12).

It’s not your standard romance, but things couldn’t have worked out much better. After successfully navigating the engagement challenge, the couple doesn’t waste any time getting hitched. Their age gap and intermarriage makes them the original Jay and Gloria Pritchett. Legend has it Boaz pulled a Yale Goodman and died smiling on their wedding night, but nowhere in the text does it confirm he actually went out with a, er, bang. What we do know is Ruth gets pregnant faster than Dashiki and gives birth to a boy (v. 13). The buildup to this happy occasion sees Naomi regaining some of her youthfulness as if she’s been swimming in a pool stocked with Antarean cocoons. She even takes it upon herself to raise the child. Her involvement is so prominent the neighbors declare, “A son is born to Naomi” (v. 17). In many ways, Naomi is the real driving force behind the story. Like Lady Edith Crawley, she overcomes every setback to elevate her title and earn a happy ending.

But Ruth gets top billing for a reason. Arguably, anyone who volunteers to hang out with their mother-in-law fulltime should have a book named after them, but it’s more than that. Her loyalty to Naomi puts Samwise Gamgee on notice—and it pays off big-time. Much like Holly Reilly-Kennedy, she takes a trip to her deceased husband’s homeland and ends up in bed with a new man. In the end, she not only transcends her nationality and wins over the enemy, she’s hailed as “better than seven sons.” It’s a glimpse of hope during a generally hopeless era and it’s all thanks to two ballsy women. Ruth and Naomi drive the Thunderbird harder than Thelma and Louise. The only difference is they’re not left hanging in mid-air when the credits roll. Not only do they get what they want, they change the course of history. According to the text, it’s impossible to understate their role in Israel’s story. Once again, it appears God really isn’t that concerned about race, gender or social standing when it comes to who contributes.

The story closes with another one of Scripture’s famous who-begot-who lists. Yep. It’s time to read the phonebook again. But stick around. The good news about this list is it has an after-the-credits teaser. Turns out, the book of Ruth is a prequel. The famous Israelite hero David is about to be introduced. That’s right. Ruth and Boaz become the great-grandparents of David, the kid who would be king. Like Josie DeMarco and Steve Stronghold, the super-lineage starts here. Cue the changeover. It’s time to switch reels. A new era in Israel’s saga is about to begin and it promises to include scenes that reveal more about how God operates. Now is definitely not the time to stop reading.